


be there/you have me

by sunsetroots



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: &alec&jace&magnus but not enough 2 tag them as characters, Angst, Episode: s02e03 Parabatai Lost, F/F, aka like 1000 words of clary hugging izzy while she has a breakdown ur welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 01:14:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9410978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetroots/pseuds/sunsetroots
Summary: isabelle watches as her brothers nearly die together. she's fine. (spoilers: she's not fine. but she will be).





	

There’s a bitter taste in her mouth.

Jace is clutching Alec, he’s shaking so badly that Isabelle can _see_ it, wonders if she should go and support him, put a hand on his shoulder, _something_.

She doesn’t, she stays where she is, watches, waits. She’s fine, they have each other, that’s all her brothers need.

Then Alec dies – _apparently_ dies.

Jace is reciting vows in a broken voice, reciting the words they’d shared years ago, and Isabelle feels the burning echo of feeling that seems to always linger, no matter how she protests it and tries to suppress it.

They have something she will never know, they will always come first for each other and no matter how much she loves and supports them she will always come second. And that’s fine, that’s how it should be.  

She’s happy just being their sister, it’s enough for her, and it’s obvious that their compatibility as warriors, as what parabatai are supposed to be, is something that Isabelle can only dream of sharing one day.

Alec’s voice is quiet, strained, but when it comes she blinks away tears of joy, overwhelmed and her hands rise to clutch at her chest for a moment.

Beside her, Magnus meets Clary’s reaching gesture and the two of them clasp hands.

Alec starts to sob, he and Jace wrapping around each other, hugging so tightly.

Isabelle moves towards them, and then the sound of footsteps sounds nearby.

Victor and the people he’d brought to take Jace away. They’d arrived.

She clenches her jaw and her fists and _watches_ as Jace is marched away from her.

“What’s going on?” Alec asks weakly.

Magnus moves, and Isabelle cannot turn to look at her brother. She feels frozen. The quiet sound of Alec and Magnus talking fills the room, but Izzy somehow can’t work out what they’re saying, as hard as she tries to focus on their conversation. She thinks she can hear Clary sniffing. The doorway in front of her is just empty space, nothingness leading out into the corridor.

She blinks. How long has she been standing here?

She cannot turn, can’t look at Alec right now, feels her throat closing up and her eyes burning.

She leaves.

 

There’s a knock on her door.

Isabelle slowly sucks in a breath as she sits up, head spinning as blood rushes back into her body. She glances to the mirror, blinks at how normal she looks and hates herself for not being able to even cry. Her brothers had nearly died and what does she feel? Nothing. She’s so heartless.

She pulls her hair down from its bun, takes another breath, and then goes to open the door.

It’s Clary.

Of course, it’s Clary. Clary, whose cheeks are red and whose eyes are shining and who’s looking Isabelle over and who doesn’t say a word.

“You okay?” says Isabelle after a moment, fumbling with the edge of the door and avoiding Clary’s eyes. She likes to think she's good at helping people, and she loves Clary and will invite her in and hold her and talk her through things if that’s what Clary needs. Izzy can do that.

She blinks, feels that stinging in the back of her eyes again.

“Iz…” Clary shakes her head and steps inside.

Isabelle shuts the door behind her, takes her time to admire the wood grain as she never has before, before she turns to face the room.

Clary’s sitting on the edge of her bed, is playing with her sleeve.

“Sit with me?” says Clary quietly, her hands stilling as Isabelle meets her eyes.

Izzy does so, climbs under the covers while she’s at it and gestures for Clary to do the same.

They lie there, side by side and Clary reaches out, grasps at Isabelle’s wrist and fumbles around till she can slot their fingers together.

Isabelle stares at her. Clary’s hair is so bright, her expression so open, her skin so soft against Isabelle’s palm. Clary shines so brightly Isabelle's irrationally worried she'll be blinded one day.

She looks away.

“You don’t need to…” Clary starts. Pauses. “You don’t need to keep it together," she says after a moment. "If you can’t.”

There’s a patch of freckles on her shoulder that Isabelle hasn’t noticed before.

“I’m not very good at… this,” Clary adds slowly. “But they’re your brothers.”

Isabelle’s breath sticks in her throat and she coughs loudly. Clary doesn’t seem to mind that Izzy’s just spluttered all over her, she squeezes Isabelle’s hand, then moves to press a light kiss to her fingers. She pulls Isabelle closer, wraps her free arm around her shoulders, rests the other hand gently on the back of Isabelle’s neck.

Isabelle shifts to get more comfortable, pushes her nose into the curve of Clary’s neck and lets out a breath.

Clary shivers away from her.

“Tickles,” she says, voice muffled.

Isabelle wants to apologise but the word feels heavy, and Clary's pulling her back into her embrace anyway, so she settles for just staring at Clary's hair again instead.

“You’ve been here for me so much,” says Clary. “You’ve helped me so much, I couldn’t have… I couldn’t have made it this far without you.”

There’s silence for a long moment, and all Isabelle can see is Clary’s bright hair, and the sheets they’re lying on. She closes her eyes and all she can see is her brothers dying together in front of her.

She pulls back, pushes Clary away so she can see her.

“I…” she tries to explain, tries to speak. She appreciates Clary so much in this moment, wants to explain she’s not pushing her away but the words are lost between thought and throat.

“It’s okay,” says Clary, clutches Isabelle’s hand tighter and strokes the other one gently through Isabelle’s hair. “It’s okay.”

Isabelle crumples, her shoulders shake and she tries to focus on the press of Clary’s hands against her but all her brain seems capable of is incoherent screeching with flashes of death and helplessness until she’s left gasping between sobs.

Clary doesn’t speak again, just wraps arms around her when Isabelle moves closer and tangles their legs together under the blankets.

Izzy doesn’t know how long she’s gone for, but she feels exhausted when she comes back to herself. She blinks. Her cheek is resting on Clary’s shoulder, Clary’s arms still looped around her, a still silence filling the dimly lit room.

She shifts, edges away from Clary so she can look at her. Clary's lipstick is smudged and her hair’s falling out of its ponytail, and her smile is so soft that it makes Isabelle feel inexplicably warm.

“Thank you,” she says.

Clary’s smile widens slightly. “You okay?”

Isabelle nods slowly. “I think so. Thank you.”

“You shouldn’t keep all the supporting to yourself,” Clary’s eyes flit away for a moment before returning to Isabelle’s face. “I’m here for you too, you know,” she says earnestly, squeezes Izzy’s hand. “Whenever you need.”

Isabelle nods, knows she won’t need it, she’s always fine, this was just… Alec and Jace had nearly died, it was abnormal. She’ll be fine again soon.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realise,” Clary continues. “When you said… when you told me to be there for Simon I realised, that’s what _you do_ , you’ve been there for me since all of this began. You’re always there for Alec, always there for everyone. Who's there for you?" she continues before Isabelle can protest, "And I want to thank you - for that, for… for offering me a new home here. You’ve never asked for anything in return, you've just supported me unquestionably. So. Thank you. I didn't realise before, but I see you now, you deserve better.”

Isabelle just blinks at her, doesn’t know how to respond because she really _doesn’t,_ she has Alec and Jace, has her brothers, she can work hard and make sure her family’s okay, and that in itself is enough. She doesn’t matter as much, she’s fine, is always fine, she has everything she needs.

Clary makes a fuss out of brushing Izzy’s hair out of her face, then presses a kiss against her cheek.

“I know this isn’t a new life for you, this has always been your life,” says Clary. “But… you have me now.”

_Oh_ , Isabelle thinks, and in the quiet of the room with Clary's light shining before her, something _shifts_ and Isabelle can feel her lips turning up into a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> the last line of this has been the bane of my life !?!??! from her pov is she isabelle or izzy?? can i remember if she's jealous of how close jace and alec are in canon or ??? is parabatai supposed to be capitalised ?!?!?! they seem a wee ooc but theyre both super intensely emotional so ???? "you have me, that's not going to change" izzy's so supportive ?!?!??! someone hug her in canon ?!?!?! please ?!?!!?! im british and sh is american so apparently some of this is Wrong but i dont want to americanise it bc i'll probs accidentally miss some and it'll b a weird mismatch of american english and english !??!?!!
> 
> ANYWAY
> 
> i'm [@ofparabatai ](http://ofparabatai.tumblr.com/)on tumblr


End file.
